


the chefs guide to breaking up, falling in love and classical French cooking

by Hermoine_winchester



Category: Sorted (Website) RPF
Genre: Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Eventual Happy Ending, James is a bit of a dick at first but he's also just figuring some stuff out bless him, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:08:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29408862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hermoine_winchester/pseuds/Hermoine_winchester
Summary: They break up and they're both in over their heads and so in love with each other and they pretend it's fine when it is all but.
Relationships: James Currie/Ben Ebbrell
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	1. this pain would be for evermore

**Author's Note:**

> English isn't my first language and I don't have anyone to beta it so all mistakes are mine! Thank you for reading!

The thing is Ben knows from the beginning that he was going to end up getting hurt. From the first time he saw James at UCB he knows it wouldn't end well for them. He knows but he's always been one that's been a little too curious for his own good.

The cookbook happens and the channel happens and James stays and it's nice. They're all friends and it's going well. Time passes and Ben stays perpetually single though he's not unhappy about it. James gets in and out of relationships and it goes on.

The launch party for 'Desserts in Duvets' is when it happens. Ben drinks a bit too much and cracks a few too many jokes about James' attractiveness and he ends up in bed with him.

It's good for a bit. They kiss and fuck and cook in their pajamas and it's good. It's so so good. It's cliche and they end up dancing at midnight with the fridge light bathing the kitchen and Ben thinks about how happy he is. Wonders even then when the other shoe will drop.

No one at SORTED knows and they're trying to keep it that way. At least James is. He doesn't question it too much. Being with James is enough. More than he deserves.

Then it happens.

They break up. It's mutual at least that's what he tells James at the pub.

He's lying and he thinks James can tell but he doesn't check. James stays at a friend's house and Ben's glad. He's sure that the crying would've ruined James's sleep.

James moves out of their house into a shitty, bare apartment in central London.

The house becomes his house again. It's not theirs anymore. Nothing is. There isn't a them anymore after all.

He can't quite keep the breakup out of SORTED. Oh, they're semi professional about it at least. But the quips have a little more edge to it, intended to hurt a bit more. They're rarely in videos together anymore.

The truth is he'd always know it'd end up like this.

Him getting burned by the fire that James Currie is.

Icarus flying too close to the sun.

The comments notice because of course they do. Sometimes on the worst days when the guys can't agree on anything he wishes he'd have said no to Barry. Gotten a job and worked his way up to the gastropub.

The worst days become more and more frequent after the breakup.

James smiles shyly at him sometimes. Tries to go back to what once was.

Ben pretends it doesn't bother him. That their whole relationship boils down to a shitty lunch in a pub and two brilliant years marbled with sadness.

It's hard to live with the fact that they're broken up.

It's harder to endure James's shy smiles and the stunted conversation.

It's hardest to see him so happy without him.


	2. crestfallen on the landing

It starts like this.

He says fuck it and drops out of his program and joins UCB. 

It wasn't a well thought-out decision but he likes to think that it worked out for the best. 

Ben is Ben. He's the upperclassmen that everyone loves. The professors love him. He doesn't think there's anyone at UCB that doesn't. 

He meets Ben at a shitty frat party and yeah. 

He thinks he loves Ben too. 

Ben has way too much knowledge on cooking and the science behind it and is a massive nerd and actually brought a really tasty lasagna to the party and he's never seen that happen.

They're just casual acquaintances and then Ben asks him to help with developing recipes for a cookbook. 

He can't say no because he needs something to put on his CV so he says yes and after it's done he stays. 

He graduates and works at a few restaurants and helps with the channel.

He gets in and out of relationships. 

He's happy and loves his job and sometimes he catches Ben looking at him like he wants to say something but he looks away just as quickly. 

Then the launch party happens. 

And it's fun and good and casual. 

He doesn't think much of it. 

And it keeps happening again and again and his stuff starts accumulating enough in Ben's house that he gets a drawer and then Ben asks him to move in and he does. 

He wants to keep it a secret because he doesn't think he really deserves Ben and he's sure it's going to be short-lived. 

Their first anniversary is spent walking by the Thames at 6 am because Ben wanted to. 

It's everything he's wanted.

But.

Looking back, the walk by the Thames is probably the beginning of the end for them. After that, the smallest thing seems to annoy him about Ben. He doesn't know why it's happening, thinks that it's just his brain sabotaging itself. 

Three months into the second year, he wishes Ben would just leave him alone for a while. 

He hates himself for thinking that. 

He avoids Ben at work and stays out later and later and he thinks that maybe, just maybe Ben isn't that invested in the relationship too. 

He's lying to himself. He knows Ben's invested because unlike him Benjamin David Ebbrell has never half-assed anything. 

He breaks up with him at a pub. 

It was inevitable. 

Because James doesn't know what to do so he cuts tail and runs. 

Because he's scared. 

Because he's sure Ben's going to break his heart. 

So he does it first. 

He stays at a friend's house and moves into an overpriced flat in central London. 

Back at work him and Ben don't speak. 

The lads notice and he knows that they knew about the relationship but they don't comment on it. 

The YouTube comments notice.

He ignores it. 

Ben gets out of filming with him using every excuse in the book. He doesn't say anything. 

He doesn't think there's much to say after all. 

But sometimes he looks at Ben and is hit with such a wave of affection that he feels lightheaded. 

Ben ignores him and though they still will sometimes be in videos and the jokes are more just insults and Mike looks annoyed every time he has to edit one. 

Nothing is good. 

He realises someday in November looking at Ben in his Christmas jumper that he loves him. 

Because he's Ben. 

That even if he gets hurt by him he'd still love him just as much. 

He just hopes Ben's doing better than he is. 

He knows he's not. 

So he decides one thing.

And he's going to do everything possible to make Ben happy. 

He really hopes that includes that happiness includes him being there. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u liked the update! thanks for reading!


	3. and the sun goes down

The guys stage an intervention. 

Oh, everyone tried to be subtle but secrets don't stay secrets at SORTED for long and the idea for the new video isn't even that requested by the audience. 

Jamie insists it is. 

Classical French menu made by two classically trained chefs.

Ben really hates the idea. 

It's awkward. 

They've been sequestered away in the loft trying to decide which dish to start with and Ben feels trapped. 

He knows he should say something or leave but both him and James have headphones on and his throat feels tight because it's too much like before when they used to sit together and work at home. 

James pointedly acts professional and he returns the courtesy and it's sad. 

After many stunted talks filled with silences they decide upon three dishes. 

Coquilles St-Jacques to start the meal, Stuffed Pork Tenderloins with Bacon and Apple-Riesling Sauce as a main and one of their own tried and tested Dark Chocolate And Ginger Eclairs

He's not looking forward to the video. 

They're still preparing and testing out the recipe, not even halfway done when the studio clears out. 

Ben really doesn't get what they think they're doing. 

James looks conflicted and maybe like he doesn't want to be in the same room as Ben. 

He gets that. He doesn't even wanna be him sometimes. 

James speaks up first, "I wanted to talk to you about something."

Ben's pretty sure he just gave him an absolutely scathing stink eye because James looks away. 

They don't have anything to talk about.

Ben looks at the pot of bubbling liquid he's stirring and wishes he was at home. 

James looks at his chopping board once and then longingly towards the door of the studio.

The video gets delayed because they can't agree on the best way to cook the main course. James's way is better but he doesn't tell him that.

The video gets made. 

The comments all talk about how glad they are that the two chefs are talking again. 

One comment says Ben and James bicker like an old married couple. 

It becomes the top comment on the video. 

After this, their filming schedule gets packed. 

It's only him and James cooking; whether it's testing a book or a gadget. 

He tries to be as professional as he can when he's filming and planning the shoot. 

James returns the favour even though he tries sometimes to go back to the easy camaraderie they had between them. 

Ben doesn't think that'll ever be possible. 

It's another iteration of the cooking french dishes video and it feels like déjà vu. 

Because he's still fighting James on the pettiest of matters. 

After a completely unproductive Friday, James asks him to come to his flat on the weekend so they can keep testing the recipe. 

He doesn't want to but his curiosity takes him there anyway. 

It's a pretty apartment. 

James welcomes him in and then. 

Ben's wearing the shirt that James always said made him look great and. 

Ben has just really wanted to kiss James senseless since that day at the pub and James in that turtleneck looks really nice. 

And James looks flushed and anxious and. 

He kisses him. 

And James kisses him back and somehow pins him against the wall and well. 

He stays over. 

For the whole weekend. 

They don't talk much between them fucking. 

Ben definitely feels like a rebound which is funny because you know. 

James kisses him with desperation and he can't figure out why. 

Ben starts spending the nights with James. 

James apologizes. 

Ben pointedly doesn't say it's fine because it's not fine but he nods and he thinks James knows that he's not really forgiven but Ben hopes he gets there.

Ben thinks it will be like last time. 

Is again waiting for it to happen. 

Because Ben loves James Currie and he's going to get burned.

He doesn't know anything actually, he realises later. 

Ben brings over a few shoot cuttings from some of the herbs growing at his house and. 

He doesn't think James would care that much. 

Thinks of just throwing it out even on the way over. 

But James looks at him with such warmth that he feels.

He feels. 

Loved. 

James gets his drawer back and fills it with the brim with his hoodies.

They all smell like James. 

Ben loves them. 

James kisses him the weekend before Christmas in the bustling studio standing under the mistletoe. 

Mike yells at them to get a room. 

James moves away with a smile, flips Mike off and goes back to the test kitchen.

Ben thinks of Icarus and thinks of redemption.

He thinks about how James is probably going to stay over that night as well. 

And he does. And the next night and the next. 

Wakes him up with a blowjob and pancakes the morning after they're both back from their parent's house. 

James kisses him like a man drowning and he kisses him back just as fiercely. 

It's like the past two months haven't happened but they did and if it's any indication they really need to work on their communication but right now James is slowly nipping at his lips and he knows what that means so he tells his brain to shut up. 

After he's properly up, he knows they'll have that adult conversation they've both been putting off for a while because there's a lot to talk about. 

But right now there's a steaming plate of pancakes on his bedside table and James smells like vanilla and Ben feels very drunk in love and James looks at him 

And says I love you. 

And. 

He thinks of the lunch at the pub, he thinks of kissing under the mistletoe and he thinks of how this is the first time they've said I love you to each other. 

And. 

Ben's not sure about what happens now but he's warm and James is right beside him so he says I love you back because if there's one thing he knows is that James Currie is the sun and as long as he's smiling at him like that, he doesn't mind getting burnt. 


	4. you and me forevermore

The intervention goes like this. 

Mike tells him about the videos they're going to shoot that week and the recipes that should be tested for them and then leaves with a flourish after dropping the bomb about the French cooking video. 

James doesn't think he has a choice to veto the idea. 

They both do it, staying behind after everyone's left working away in the test kitchen. 

It's too much like before. 

Before the breakup, when Ben and him would stand together side by side and cook dinner at the flat and. 

He really fucking misses it. 

The intimacy and the love and. 

He just misses Ben actually. 

He's been thinking about breakups and relationships since that day and. 

He doesn't know why he did it. 

He can't escape Ben. 

Doesn't even want to. 

Doesn't know why he even thought he could do better than Ben. 

Because he sees him joke with Mike or laugh at something Barry said and he really misses the Ben that wasn't so cold towards him. 

Knows it's only the results of his own actions. 

He doesn't know why Ben's so insistent that his way isn't better for the main course but he misses Ben being anything but numb towards him so he lets it go on. 

The video when it does eventually get made is a hit with the audience.

The top comment calls them the cutest bickering old couple they'd ever seen. 

He can't say he disagrees. 

After that, him and Ben are always in a video together and though they're all buddies for the camera, Ben still avoids his gaze. 

It hurts. 

He knows he won't be forgiven easily. Doesn't even know if Ben is willing to try again. 

And Ben won't talk about anything that's strictly not related to a recipe or video and he can't go on like this. 

He deserves it. 

The coldness, the harshness. 

But. 

He can see that Ben's not doing well as well and that hurts more. 

Ben deserves better. 

He hopes he can be better. 

He's leaving work on Friday after not accomplishing much the whole day and he's pretty sure Mike is planning on staging another intervention when he invites Ben over to continue the recipe testing at his apartment the next day. 

Ben says yes.

He doesn't think he would. 

James spends the whole of the next day cleaning. 

Because he knows that inviting Ben over might not have been the best idea. 

Knows he might just end up hurting Ben again.

But. 

He misses him. 

And. 

He's really in fucking love with Ben.

And he really knows he's made a mistake but he doesn't know how to solve it. 

He hopes Ben will let him at least try. 

Ben comes over wearing one of the shirts that he knows brings out eyes and yeah. 

They don't really leave the bed or each other's side that weekend. 

He says sorry and knows it's not enough but Ben looks at him like maybe it could be okay given time and that's all he really wants. 

Ben stays over and wakes up in the morning wearing his clothes and. 

He really didn't get how happy seeing someone he loves wearing his hoodie would make him feel. 

Ben brings over plants from his own house in order to liven up the space.

James thinks his smile could blind the sun. 

Ben makes it a habit of texting him reminding him to water the plants. 

Ben's glasses have a permanent spot on his bedside table. 

He gets his drawer back at Ben's house. He starts leaving a lot more of his hoodies out for Ben to wear. 

Things improve slowly. 

He kisses Ben under the mistletoe hanging in the studio and he flips Mike off when he shouts at them to get a room. 

He likes thinking of them as a definitive them. 

He decides that he loves Ben when they're both at their parent's house celebrating Christmas and he really thinks of how much better the holiday would be if Ben was there with him. 

He makes pancakes and blows him and wakes Ben up and tells him he loves him. 

And for a second he's scared that Ben doesn't feel the same. 

That maybe it's all been a mistake. 

Ben says it back. 

Ben Ebbrell is the sun and he's just a lowly planet caught in its orbit and he wouldn't have it any other way.

Because he's missed this the past few months. 

Him and Ben. 

Ben and James.

And he's sure there'll be another talk in the future and he's definitely a lot more apologizing to do on his part but. 

He's under the blanket and Ben's so warm and later there'll be serious adult conversation but right now he just kisses Ben and hopes the kiss conveys the love he has for him. 

If not, he's going to spend however long it takes making surel Ben Ebbrell knows how much he's loved. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's it! thank you so much for reading! i might write a sequel or something if anyone wants to see that and if you notice any mistakes please let me know so I can correct it. remember to drink water <3


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